the descriptive text from today’s deal at woot (which, if you can’t tell, is a sharper image tens back pain relief system):
Momma Said Reverse The Neutron Flow (Momma Said, Momma Said)
“Hi, mom, I’ll be in my room for a while, so don’t come in, okay?”
“Hey, hey, hey, wait a second, kiddo! Where are you going with our Sharper Image TENS Back Pain Relief System?”
“It’s not a Sharper Image TENS Back Pain Relief System, Mom, it’s a time machine! Hello? Don’t you even know what a time machine looks like?”
“Oh, a time machine, is it? So then what exactly would you call these four included electrode pads, designed to block pain signals by interrupting their transmission signals through the nerves?”
“Those are the skin contact points for the quantum steering mechanism, Mom. And these two things that look like two connecting cables are actually the temporal dampers.”
“Uh huh. And what about the storage pouch?”
“That’s just a storage pouch, Mom. Once you finish time traveling you have to put the Sharper Image TENS Back Pain Relief Time Traveling System somewhere to keep it out of the hands of the locals.”
“Well, I have to admit, you’ve really thought this through. I’m very impressed. I guess you can have your fun. But just have that ‘time machine’ back before your father gets home at six. He’ll want to use the Sharper Image TENS Back Pain Relief System to generate temporary relief for lower back pain generally associated with his sore and aching muscles.”
“Don’t worry, Mom, it’s a time machine, remember? I can do everything I need to do and still be back an instant after I left.”
“Well, I guess that’s true. You’re a pretty smart kid, aren’t you? By the way, where are you going in that little ol’ time machine of yours?”
“To kill President Kennedy.”
“To… to what?”
“Yeah. I mean, don’t worry, it already happened, so you know I’ll get away with it. I’ll be back in time for dinner, I promise.”
“Honey, I don’t want you playing this game.”
“It’s not a game, Mom, it’s history! And more than that, if I don’t go, the entire structure of the universe could collapse! I’ve been reading the encyclopedia, and some people say that the JFK assassination was the gateway to the entire modern geo-political worldview. Kennedy has to die, because he’s always died, and if I don’t pull the trigger, then who will, Mom? Who will?”
“Okay, c’mon, that’s enough of that. I’m taking back this Sharper Image TENS Back Pain Relief System and you’re going to your room.”
“Mom, wait! You can’t fight destiny, Mom! The universe finds a way! Mom! Mom! You have to let me have that Sharper Image TENS Back Pain Relief System!”
“Sorry, honey, this isn’t a game I want you playing any more.”
“Mom, I didn’t want to do this but… if you don’t let me go, right now, when I turn twenty-one, I’ll make a time machine of my own, and send killer robots back to this very second to stop you from stopping me.”
“Killer robots, huh?”
“That’s right, Mom. Now, are you going to give me back that time machine?”
“No, I’m not. Instead, I’m going to put this Sharper Image TENS Back Pain Relief System back in the closet where your father can find it. And then I’m going to stand right here for a few seconds. Because since I know you can’t even remember to clean up your room once a week, I’m pretty sure you aren’t going to remember to send back killer robots a few decades from now. Especially after you discover girls.”
“Girls? Gross! Look, Mom, I’m warning you. This is your last chance before the robots arrive.”
“No dice, kiddo. Off to your room till your father gets home.”
“Okay, Mom. I didn’t want to do this but… but…
“But what, kiddo? Come on, I haven’t got all day. Make with the robots.”
“I… I… man. I must have forgotten, just like you said. Stupid future me.”
“A mother knows these things, kiddo. A mother knows.”
via eric