it’s allergy season. that means a lot of sneezing, watery eyes and every mucous membrane above my neck is on fire – itchy. as. hell. my eyes, my nose, the roof of my mouth, the back of my throat, my eustacian tubes, the corners of my mouth.

in the past, only benadryl has soothed my seasonal torment. unfortunately, benadryl also makes you – say it with me – PASS OUT. i can remember many days in high school when i would come home from school, my head one big itchy mess, and i would pop a couple benadryl, sit to watch animaniacs or oprah or whatever and the next thing i know i’m waking up curled on the couch in the dark at 8:30 with a blanket my parents threw on top of me.

allergy season has always meant a choice: do i grit my teeth and try not to scratch my face off or do i take the soothing benadryl, stop being itchy and oozy, but risk passing out in the middle of the day? usually i’ve chosen the former, but last week i could tell that things were going to bad this fall.

eric game me some walgreen’s knock-off alavert and that actually worked really well. i would take one when i woke up in the morning and completely forget about allergies all day. but at about 7-8pm it would start to wear off. i wanted to take another, but it’s supposed to be a 24 hour pill. and anyway, if i take another in the evening, i run the risk of it wearing off in the middle of the day. in retrospect, i probably should have just brought the wal-avert to work and dealt with it. instead, last night i decided to take a couple of benadryl before bed.

big mistake.

benadryl makes me pass out, but it must also messes with my brain so that i’m not actually getting any real rest. i remember lying down in bed and…a heartbeat later eric is asking me if i plan to get up since it’s already 7:45 in the morning. today i feel exhausted, like i’ve been awake for days. everything is fuzzy and i can’t really think about anything for very long before i want to shut down and nap on the floor. you know that feeling when you’re just on the edge of sleep when you are no longer aware of your body? that’s how i’ve felt all morning.

i’ve taken benadryl at night before without any ill effects the next day, but i guess mixing benadryl with the trace amounts of wal-avert in my system weren’t a good idea. also, i guess i’ve been feeling pretty stressed out lately, and i haven’t been running much. i’m looking forward to a quiet weekend with my parents away from the noise and pollution and bustle of the city.

tonight i read the griffin & sabine trilogy straight through. it was breathtaking. the artwork is amazing and so detailed – even the handwriting is exquisite. the story is compelling and engrossing, told via their postcards and letters to each other, which are presented as real artifacts, complete with envelopes and separate loose pages. i am left with no choice but to order the continuation, the morning star trilogy. the end of the third book, the golden mean, was quite a cliff-hanger and i am eager to find out what happens next.

unfortunately, his other books that i intended to buy next, the forgetting room and the egyptian jukebox aren’t availiable through amazon for some reason.

the above image is from the cover of the golden mean.

my birthday is in less than two weeks. how can this be? why is it that when you’re little you anticipate birthdays months in advance and now it’s like – my birthday? already?

i have no idea what to do for my birthday – i don’t really feel like celebrating, since it just feels like another year where nothing has really happened…just sort of maintaining, you know? well, my job situation is a whole lot better, but other than that everything is pretty much the same. and i’m a year older. a year closer to…being…older. or something. i know that 24 isn’t old, by any stretch of the imagination, but i guess i always thought that by the time i was in my mid-twenties (ugh) i’d have things more figured out.

why don’t i have things more figured out?

update: i bought myself a new ipod for my birthday.

update update: i’m feeling much better now, btw. a passing bit of panic, that’s all.

i finished the ‘his dark materials‘ trilogy last night, and it was AWESOME. it was so so good. i wish they wouldn’t make it into a movie though, because i can’t see how they can do so without compromising in some really big ways. now i’ve moved on to ‘thinking with type‘ by ellen lupton, a book about typography. at 5 pages in, i’ve already had at least 8 lightbulb-over-the-head moments.

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i feel like i’m on the brink of some sort of early-life crisis. so much rides on so little…something has to give, you know? do i stay in chicago or no? go to grad school or no? be sensible or no? i wish i were one of those people that can be decisive and who have always known exactly what they want to do with their life. instead, i’ve never known, i can’t make any decisions and even worse, i’m so restless and my interests so broad that i’m pretty much bound to lose interest in anything and everything i do decide. i also have a sneaking suspicion that that’s my big problem right there – i’m too fickle. maybe nothing will ever hold my interest. argh.

anyway, i’ve done what i tend to do when i’m feeling down – i blew a bunch of money on things i don’t really need. i bought the whole first half of the six-part nick bantock griffin & sabine series, the jeff bridges photography book i’ve had my eye on for a few years and some quoins and a key. what am i going to use those quoins for? ostensibly for printing, but in reality – no fucking clue. all of these things: i saw them, they seemed cheap, i wanted them, so i bought them. why can’t everything in life be so easily gratifying?