i had no idea that including a ‘battlestar galactica’ reference in my facebook status message would inspire so many people to comment! i had no idea some of my friends were such nerds. from now on my status is always something this nerdy. …ok i guess that’s not really a big change.
Archives for category: miscellany + errata
coined by meghan:
punched in the throat, noun/verb
a hickey or the act of getting a hickey
ie: Monday night I totally got punched in the throat.
ok, my indignance here probably has something to do with lack of sleep and working long hours and spending a lot of time commuting over the past two days, but have you seen this new starbucks commercial? it’s cute with soft music and sort of a rough chalk or pastel animation style. a ski lift stops bringing a skier and what i presume to be a reindeer face to face. they regard each other. then the skiier (extending the kind of holiday spirit that only mega-chains can sell) offers the reindeer some of his coffee.
AND THE REINDEER TAKES IT. WITH HIS HOOVES. as he’s sitting, upright LIKE A HUMAN in a SKI LIFT CHAIR. i mean granted, at least he’s taking it with both hooves and not with one hoof, like he’s got a phantom opposable thumb or something. but come on. can’t the skier just come across the reindeer in the woods or something? pour it into the little thermos cup and hold it out so the reindeer can sip it? that’s totally cute! but i guess that would put too much focus on the fact that this dude is offering a WILD ANIMAL a triple shot macchiato or whatever.
 
also, now the guy has a thermos without a lid. probably a starbucks-branded thermos that he paid $20 for, and now it has no lid.
AND how did the reindeer get ON the ski lift?? did it – i don’t know – scoop him up as he was gamboling through a three-diamond run? how is it staying upright? what a charade! GOD.
nsfw!
subject: Sail down the love canal more confidently
At last you’ve met a babe that’s hot
You wanna plough her dripping twat.
She’s cute and taking, she’s so nice!
But would your penile size suffice?
Not sure she will long for more?
You need a dong she would adore!
But how to grow it long and thick?
Your only chance is MegaDik!
You’ll get so wanted super-size
And see great pleasure in her eyes!
Your shaft will slam her box so deep,
Tonight you’ll hardly fall asleep!
So try today this wonder-pi’ll
And change your life at your own will!
it’s on. i was going to follow along with matthew baldwin‘s NaNoReMo event, but I’m busy reading jasper fforde’s new novel (you should totally pick up the first in the series, the big over easy if you haven’t already. it is amazing.). i’m sure there will be a lot of stuff to say about the wedding around then, but i won’t be able to post on that day since i’ll be ojai.
at work, every day for lunch we make a smoothie. some days it’s just blueberry or pineapple (which was awesome last week) but there is always a smoothie. today katie came up with something new, inspired by a smoothie she had at soul veg. basically, it tastes like a liquified peanut butter cookie. it is awesome. it contains: soymilk, ice, protein powder, peanut butter, packets of instant maple oatmeal. yum!
- do you smoke? not like, every so often you’ll have a smoke at a bar or at a concert, i mean do you smoke. yes? sorry. unless you have some pretty overwhelming qualities to make up for this, it’s not going to happen. overwhelming qualities might include: …uh…jeez. basically you would have to awesome in every other way to make up for this. and you’d have to agree to never smoke around me.
- corollary (sort of) to #1: do you have chronic bad breath? i guess it’s kind of shallow, but i can not be getting up close and personal with someone who always has dragon breath.
- i like guys with skills. guys who know how to use tools and fix things around the house or know stuff about cars or hardware or, you know, physics. if you have to check the internet when you want to hang a picture or don’t understand what an alternator is, we’ve got a problem here.
- are you religious? guess what? i don’t believe in god and even if i did, i think organized religion is an outdated scam. are your hackles up? in that case, be satisfied that i’ll burn in hell and we can go our separate ways.
- do you bathe regularly? at least every other day? no? buy some soap, hippie.
- there are these things called video games. are you aware of them? have you played any? can you name a title besides ‘tetris’ and ‘zelda’ and ‘super mario bros.’? if the answer to any of these is ‘no’ – sorry.
- there are these things called movies. do you go see a lot of them? if not, are you prepared to see a lot of them? no? i neither understand nor am willing to spend time with your kind.
- i eat a lot. and often. if you’re at all put off by the idea of going out and having a girl half your size put away twice as much as you, you can fuck all the way off. but before you go, i’m gonna eat the rest of your fries. kthxbye.
- sci-fi. are you contemptuous of it? will you make a snide remark when i get excited about something that happened on ‘battlestar galactica’ or when you see that i have all of ‘star trek: deep space nine’ on dvd? we will never get along.
i bought maggie mason’s book, and i am going to try to do an idea from it at least once a week. this is #32.
- it’s damn near impossible to brush your teeth while crying.
- if you manage it and have to blow your nose right after, your snot is totally minty.
sampling of today’s spam subject lines:
why your sausage is so small?? :-))
followed soon by:
How long you will live with small dick?! ;))
update: at 10:30 tonight:
Hei comrade with small meat!! :))