pat: are uh, the coldplay guy and gwyneth married yet?
eric: no, I read in Cosmo, they’re on the outs
pat: are uh, the coldplay guy and gwyneth married yet?
eric: no, I read in Cosmo, they’re on the outs
eric: and they way they tested you to see if you were an adult was this multiple choice test with all of these in-jokes about Jimmy Carter
eric: i mean, i guess that’s a good way to do it
eric: i mean what little kid is going to know that?
[pause.]
kara: well…you knew…
eric: hey, the way i figure, if you’re that big of a nerd you deserve to see some pixelated boobies.
pat: hello, steve? well, i was thinking i’m really tired and i want to get some sleep before this thing tonight so can i come over and like take a nap?….well i know but….i know, but i could sleep on the floor or…couch?…even the kitchen…i can sleep on the stove…
kara: this is the most pathetic conversation i’ve ever overheard.
mike: so someone comes up to him at a party and asks him about his name…and this guy like [siiiiiigh] gives an audible sigh. come on, you’ve gotta know that if you legally change your name to “beanbag america” you’re going to have to answer some questions.
eric: what about “peembom”?
[silence. silence, then laughter]
mike: [laughing so hard as to almost be squealing] PEEEEEM bom??!!?
eric: yeah, that was my like imaginary friend. you know that sound the phone makes when you leave it off the hook?
[pat cackles. kate and kara titter in delight]
eric: yeah, ok, so i would say that, you know, that was peembom calling me.
later –
diana: you never told me about peembom!
eric: well, you never asked
diana: when did you have this imaginary friend?
eric: i don’t know, like for a few years when i was 5 or 6.
diana: wait, i want you to imitate the sound that a phone makes when it’s off the hook
eric: ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh ehh
diana: i don’t understand how the sound the phone makes is peembom…
eric: look, i had an imagination, ok?
* transcript not verbatim. events have been ellipsized for the sake of time, space, and not having to type “laughing so hard i almost (peed my pants/choked/cried/etc)”
earl: [gesturing towards jon’s handwritten notes] what typeface are these numbers? i like it.
jon: ballpoint – new cutting-edge technology.
ozzie: W___ is on my plate but at the same time it’s been pushed to the side like veggies until C__ is through.
jeff: here’s the link to macromedia! download the plugin for godsake!
jim: join the rest of the free world!
kara: kate?
kate: hold on, i’m kinda in my underwear.
mike: I’M completely naked!
kara: really?
mike: …no.
kara: [shaking fist ala cartoon villain] don’t toy with me!!
re: a client’s last name
kara: i’m sorry, did you say “bacon?”
andrew: yes, “bacon.” as in the breakfast meat.
all you can eat buffet at mt. everest. we walk in. it’s pat’s first time at this particular indian restaurant. all pat can say in a slightly confused voice is…”hey, it kinda smells like curry in here.”